There are many emotions that children experience in their day-to-day lives. Some of these emotions may be more difficult for a child to handle than others, with feelings of anger being one such example. Studies have shown that there is an important relationship between the expression and understanding of emotion and overall emotional well-being as it relates to success in both life and school.
Raising a child who has the ability to express emotions effectively, understand those of others, regulate his or her own emotions with self-soothing strategies when needed, and empathize with others is crucial for development.
Social-emotional intelligence helps people be successful in life, but it’s not something that happens automatically. It needs to be learned and practiced through emotional intelligence activities for kids.
This blog post will teach you 10 emotional intelligence activities to do with your children so they grow up healthy and well-rounded people.
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EQ Activity #1. Name feelings.
Children need to be taught that feelings come from inside and not outside. For example, a child may think anger is caused by someone bumping into them to shout at or push away whoever bumps into him next time that happens because he feels angry. Therefore, when the parent teaches the child about emotions being created internally, the child becomes more proactive and optimistic and stops feel like a victim.
That is why parents need to help their children name their feelings. The idea is that when we give children words for what they are feeling, it helps them better understand how they feel and gain control of what they feel. Teach your children that feelings come and go, they are temporary, and do not become not their personality traits. This is a great basis for building healthy self-esteem and a growth mindset.
"My Emotions Journal: Feelings Journal For Kids And Teens" is a perfect workbook for children to practice self-awareness and naming emotions.
EQ Activity #2. Practice emotion coaching.
The number one skill that every parent must master is emotion coaching. This term was introduced by Dr. John Gottman, who studied emotional intelligence for many years. According to Gottman, emotion coaching is how parents interact with their children in emotionally difficult moments. When a parent becomes the emotion coach to his child, the child grows into a confident, happy, and psychologically healthy person.
Dr. Gottman offers a straightforward process of teaching your child emotional intelligence with a five-step emotion coaching process. Emotion coaching steps are as follows.
Step 1. Become aware of child's emotions
Step 2. Accept child's emotions as an opportunity for growth
Step 3. Empathize to your child's feelings and validate them
Step 4. Name emotions your child is feeling
Step 5. Help your child resolve the upsetting situation
The last step is one of the most important and consists of 5 steps:
Step 5.1. Set boundaries for inappropriate behavior: "We don't do this, etc."
Step 5.2. Determine goals. For example., ask the child what result he/she would like to achieve
Step 5.3. Think of possible solutions to a problem. It is crucial to let the child think and make suggestions. You can give your opinion only if your child allows for this
Step 5.4. Evaluate the proposed solutions based on the values of your family. You may ask questions like: "Is this solution fair?"; "Is it safe?"; "What will you feel like?"; "What will other people feel like?"
Step 5.5. Help your child to choose the best decision but do no take the initiative from her.
More about emotion coaching you can learn in the book by John Gottman "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting"
EQ Activity #3. Emotion diary to cultivate pride, compassion, and gratitude.
This activity teaches children to focus on three important emotions: gratitude, compassion, and pride. In his book "Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride," David DeSteno describes how these three emotions develop cognitive and emotional self-control in children and adults.
For example, research revealed that "pride not only increases perseverance on tasks but also motivates individuals to take responsibility in a group and leads to being perceived as more likable interaction partners" (Williams and DeSteno 2009).
It has been shown that when people use their prefrontal cortex for the regulation of emotions and behavior, their willpower depletes when cognitive load increases. Luckily, in his book, prof. DeSteno suggests working strategies to develop stable and ceaseless self-control by cultivating the above three emotions. Encouraging compassion, pride, and gratitude in children will help them achieve their goals, build inner motivation, and increase their willpower.
Ask your child to answer three questions same three questions in her diary every day:
* What am I grateful myself for?
* What am I proud of?
* What do I forgive myself?
Such a technique works best when the answers are written consistently every day. With younger children, you can discuss and write answers for them or let them draw their answers.
Remember, the brain works the way it is used, which means that if your child thinks every day about these three emotions, she will feel and recognize them much more often in herself and others.
"The 3 Minute Gratitude Journal for Kids: A Journal to Teach Children to Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness" is a great workbook to help you and your child cultivate gratitude every day.
EQ Activity #4. Cultivate empathy.
Empathy makes children happy, healthy, and successful. The ability to feel empathy for others is a key social skill that allows children to understand and navigate the world around them. When it comes to understanding peer relationships, research has shown that more empathetic kids tend to fare better socially than those who aren’t (Dunn et al., 1991). Children with high levels of empathy have the courage to help others and even resist bullying and aggression. Empathetic children usually have many friends, have solid social skills, lead other people, and thus get better job opportunities in the future.
So the goal is for children to develop their ability to feel another person's emotions. Child psychologist Michele Borba in her new book "Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World," explains the empathy advantage for children and offers many ways to increase empathy in kids.
Some of the ways to teach children empathy are:
- Helping others is surely one of the best ways to grow empathy. Encouraging children to volunteer in a caregiving home, read to the elderly, talk to orphans or contribute their time in any other way will enormously expand children's horizons.
- Live communication with peers teaches children to consider other people's feelings, intentions, and desires, which is difficult to learn online. Research showed that abandoning electronic devices increase empathy by 80 % in kids (read more in "The Thriving Child: The Science Behind Reducing Stress and Nurturing Independence" by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson).
- Chess and other board games teach children to understand the feelings and thoughts of other people, which is great for the cognitive part of empathy.
- Reading storybooks grows empathy, especially when you discuss the storyline and help your child to understand it. An even better idea would be participating in a book club to make book discussions more social and connect with your child.
- Unstructured play with friends, pretend play games, puppet theater, drama class - all these activities boost social-emotional intelligence and empathy in children.
- Family projects, quality time together, discussing family values with children give children a moral compass for the rest of their lives and enable you to keep strong connections with your children throughout life. Moreover, the more fun time siblings have together, the closer they become, they learn to accept character flaws of each other and live in fulfilling relationships ("The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind")
EQ Activity #5. Foster mindfulness.
Learning how to meditate is important for kids these days. Research has shown that mindfulness meditation can help kids be more compassionate, self-aware, and less reactive. It also helps them deal with stressful situations and feel better about themselves. You can learn mindfulness meditation together with your kids by using apps like HeadSpace, etc.
EQ Activity #6. Teach your children how their brain works.
When a person gets angry or frightened, their thinking brain disconnects from the emotional brain. This means that they can't control what they are doing because the emotional brain is in charge. Discuss with your child what happens when they feel big emotions. Dr. Siegel offered a simple way of showing how the thinking brain disconnects from the emotional brain. He explained this to kids by clenching his thumb in a fist. For example, when a person felt angry, the four fingers representing the thinking brain began to open. Then the emotional brain, which was represented by the thumb, took control over a person's behavior due to the disconnection of the thinking four fingers. Dr. Siegel proposed several ways to take control over the emotional brain again and connect it to the thinking brain.
The first and most efficient way to gain control over children's emotions is to have them move their bodies, become physically active: run, ride a bike, perform a mad dance, etc. ("The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson).
EQ Activity #7. Retell emotional events.
When children are telling stories, they often repeat the same thing over and over. This helps them understand the situation better. It can also help them feel better about it. Repeating events from their life helps children integrate memories and understand who they are. This is true not only for pleasant moments but also for stressful experiences.
Dr Siegel and Dr Bryson have a great strategy to help kids tell stories in "The Whole-Brain Child," The child can use an imaginary remote control to rewind, pause, or fast-forward the story when reliving it. They can continue telling their story whenever they want to and parents should help by guiding the child with questions until they finish their whole story - even if it is good or painful. By doing this, parents help structure recollections of the event and make a child aware of the situation. This activity helps children get control over an experience and prevent the creation of negative associations that could affect the child.
Create a photo book with lots of pictures of your child's life. Include the big events like birthday parties and Christmas, but also put in some smaller moments too, like when your child had fun at a play date or liked something they did. Doing this will teach your child to love and appreciate what they have in life. It can also make them feel proud, compassionate, and grateful as described in the EQ Activity #2.
EQ #8. Unstructured play with their peers.
Children need to have time to play with their peers without being overseen by adults.
There are certain skills that kids need to learn on their own, and this game of make-believe or just running around the yard can help them develop these skills. For example, they might use this opportunity to practice problem-solving, building relationships, and being frustrated with the actions of others. In the unstructured play, children learn how to create social connections and how to work collaboratively. Play with other children is the most efficient way to learn social intelligence. And consistent practice is essential.
RELATED: What are the benefits of pretend play for your child?
EQ #9. Choose emotional intelligence workbooks to go through with your child.
For children, emotional intelligence workbooks can be a powerful tool for identifying and managing emotions. Parents are also encouraged to use these books with their children to have time together in an activity of mutual importance. For younger children, facial expression cards will be a great tool for learning a large spectrum of human emotions. Here are just a few examples:
The right emotional intelligence workbook will depend on the child’s age and maturity. Workbooks for children up to five years old are typically colorful, with simple text that is easy to read. Older children will enjoy reading engaging story books. Start by reading a book about emotions together so that you can help your child identify what he or she may be feeling. Below are workbook examples for children from 5-7 years old and up.
1. What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger
EQ Activity #10. Be aware of your own emotions.
For your child to develop emotionally, you must be emotionally mature yourself. Your children will learn from your example. That is why it is important that you evaluate your own emotional awareness and improve your emotional intelligence. To test how well you are doing at this, click here
Many of the activities above will also help adults who want to improve their emotional intelligence as well.