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1. Take care of yourself first
Many new parents feel lonely during the first year. You will have to take care of someone all day and you might get burned out. That is why it is so important to do something for yourself, like getting dressed in clothes that you did not sleep in, doing your makeup, listening to music, podcasts or audiobooks or yoga. Find small things that make you happy, like getting dressed in clothes in which you didn’t sleep, doing make-up, listening to music, podcasts or audiobooks, yoga, meditation, etc. Thus, the best advice for new parents would be: do whatever feels great for your mental health and stability.
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Here are some best practices that improve quality of life when done daily:
1. Meditate for 15 min every day to reduce stress and anxiety. The most effective and science-based types are the meditation of awareness and transcendental meditation.
2. Eat a healthy breakfast rich in fibers, complex carbohydrates, healthy fats, and proteins, e.g., oatmeal, eggs, cheese with wholegrain bread and butter. Such food will provide you with long-lasting energy, keep your blood sugar and insulin levels balanced and decrease your stress.
3. Avoid coffee in the morning or, even better, exclude it from your menu. Drink matcha or yerba mate instead if you need an energy boost or chamomile tea to calm down.
4. Never do chores when your baby is sleeping. Use this time to restore your energy, do what inspires and empowers you.
5. No alcohol; it damages your brain and increases stress.
6. Listen to your favorite music, dance, and sing along.
7. Sleep is the most effective stress breaker. With a newborn at home, getting enough sleep may be challenging. Just try to get rest as much as possible and remember that very soon you’ll sleep through the night again.
8. Listen to audiobooks, podcasts, TedTalks, and other online lectures. Quality information provides you with a growth mindset, keeps your brain busy and updated. Listening to audiobooks and analyzing them is an excellent prevention of the “mommy brain.” Also, avoid rubbish information from social media, one of the most significant stressors nowadays.
9. Nature walks are great both for you and your baby. Get to the nearest park and enjoy the seasons, the sun, rains, etc. Such short walks will provide you with enough time to clear your mind, recharge your brain and get enough positive emotions to keep up with your life.
10. Doing sports is inevitable if you want to maintain health and a good mood in your everyday life. It might be very challenging with a newborn. Nevertheless, try adjusting your schedule and find at least 15-30 minutes a day for a quick yoga practice or jogging around the block.
2. Support your partner
Children are the best part of being a family. They can be really good and also bad sometimes, but mostly they are great. They can make your life better and give you meaning in your life. But it does not happen all at once, and you have to work together if you want to be a family. You have to get through any hard times so that you can enjoy the best parts of living with children. These days we also have science who tells us how to do this!
1. Researchers studied the influence of co-parenting styles on couples' relationships and family life. Studies revealed the direct impact of supportive co-parenting on a couple's romantic relationship. However, these findings were mostly true for women. Thus, women that had less stress during the transition to parenthood (got more assistance and support from their spouses) reported more marital and sexual satisfaction.
Moreover, fathers' active involvement in childcare in the postpartum period led to better mental health and well-being of mothers during the first several years of parenthood.
2. On the other hand, fathers also experience a lot of stress during the transition to parenthood. However, fathers usually receive much less support than mothers. Moreover, mothers and marital relationships greatly influence fathers' parenting skills. Thus, fathers' low marital satisfaction during the first couple of years led to lower co-parenting cooperation and marital conflict.
3. Studies showed that when one partner perceives the other as a supportive co-parent, this partner provides more affection and warmth to the other partner and the opposite. Other findings suggested that improved couples' romantic relationships by various relationship enhancement programs might positively influence co-parenting relationships.
Moreover, stress and co-parenting conflicts directly affect a child's temperament, emotional and behavioral problems. Couples that received parenting and relationship interventions reported higher mental and behavioral well-being by their infants than the control group. In other words, the more satisfied parents feel in their relationships, the more mentally thriving are the children.
3. Set and keep healthy boundaries
Babies make undesirable behavior habits quickly. The conventional wisdom is that it is easier to prevent them than fix the problem later on. But, in reality, it does not work that way. When babies are little, you need to make decisions about what behavior is acceptable and which you oppose strongly. If you understand your parenting goals and expectations then this might provide you with a sense of direction and make the upcoming hectic months slightly easier for you!
4. Enjoy your baby
Even if you now think that colicky pain, growing teeth, or terrible twos will never end, remember that these are the memorable moments. These moments will be over sooner than you notice. Value the time spent with your child even when you are tired, overwhelmed, or irritated. In a couple of weeks or days your child will have new skills and new interests. Don't give in to despair when you don't sleep for a couple of days because it won't last very long! Soon, maybe even tomorrow, the weather will be different or colic will end. Your baby will sleep through the night and play longer by herself so that you have your quiet time.
5. Create a secure base
A baby needs food, sleep and to be close to her parent. Babies are dependent on their caregiver when they are born and want constant connection with their parents. The more attachment the baby has, the less distressful she will feel in life. As a result of that attachment, babies learn how to build relationships with other people as they grow up; they feel sure enough to step out of their comfort zone in order to explore and learn new things.
Without this confidence, children can soothe themselves. But they may also lose the ability to relate to others and feel attached and connected which will have a bad effect on their future lives. In short, parents teach their baby how relationships work in the world. Then as an adult with kids, they will pass this relationship pattern on to them. Think about how through your baby, you affect your grandchildren and all of your descendants!
From this standpoint, when baby blues or mom's burnout happens it is dangerous for babies. A mother can't give her child enough warmth and closeness when she is distressed. So, it is important to do something nice for yourself if you are low and unhappy. When you feel low and upset, have a list of things that make you feel better right away (you can find suggestions in parenting tip #1). Understanding how to manage your moods and feelings is one of the best things you can give your children.
6. Carefully track your baby's development
A baby's brain is developing quickly. It can make thousands of new connections every day. Each child grows at their own pace. But skills are acquired within a certain period of time for all babies. The CDC website shows the milestones in months and we recommend checking on your baby's skills accordingly to the CDC recommendations. If you notice any developmental traits that might be a problem, check them out but do not panic.
However, if you are worried about your child's development, don't wait long. Talk to your pediatrician. Early diagnostics may help with many problems that can happen to a child.
7. Seek professional advice
"My baby does this weird thing with her eyes! Is this normal? What should I do?"
The first instinct is to ask the knowledgeable other, like your mom or google. But it has been about 30 years since your mom had babies. Since then, research leaped, and science improved, which means that your mom cannot help you if she is not a pediatrician.
And better never ask Google about any symptom. Reading suggestions, you will panic and think that "we all are going to die! "
As new parents, you might have situations when you need guidance. Thus, it is crucial to trust your child's doctor. When choosing a doctor for your baby, pay attention to the way he communicates with parents. Ideally, you should call, write him an email, or even text, and promptly receive his reply (during working hours, of course).
Also, do not hesitate to look for professional advice from sleep coaches, lactation consultants, pediatric nutritionists, etc. It may sound expensive, but a trained professional can quickly and efficiently solve your baby's issue and save you a lot of brain cells. Also, there are many helpful books and on-line recourses to help parents with virtually any problem.
8. Optimize your life
Get as much help as possible. It does not just mean getting a nanny or inviting the mother-in-law to live with you for a couple of months. A clean house or a quick and healthy dinner could be true energy-boosters for tired parents. But only if new parents do not spend half their day doing household chores. Luckily, we live in an advanced technology world, and many appliances do chores instead of people. Below we created a list of absolute must-haves for new parents.
1. Quality dishwasher. For a family with little kids cleaning power, capacity, and noise level are the main decision-makers.
2. Large-capacity washing machine – the same parameters as for dishwasher are important when choosing a washing machine.
3. Clothes Dryer – is a number one choice of families with newborns. A quality dryer helps save a lot of time and frees a lot of space from never-ending drying racks.
4. Robot vacuum cleaner becomes your best friend when the child hits the age of solid foods. Also, this robot is irreplaceable if you have pets.
5. Vacuum mop decreases cleaning time in half as you vacuum and wash your floors simultaneously.
6. Air purifier keeps your home as clean as possible, decreasing the dust level and improving the air quality.
7. Multicooker is a genius kitchen appliance essential for new parents. The first year of your baby’s life might be challenging, so it is crucial to maintain healthy eating habits for all family members, especially for the new mom. Multicooker can cook nutritious dinner for the whole family in just 15 minutes with pressure cooking function. Or you can slow-cook tasty meals overnight.
8. Electric kettle is irreplaceable when you have only a couple of minutes for a coffee break or need to warm up food for your baby.
9. Cold brew coffee maker can make your day much more livable with your little one. If you breastfeed, you can easily prepare tea concentrate in a cold brew maker. Then you just put some tea concentrate from your cold brew maker and dilute it with hot water from the kettle. Voilà, your delicious and hot tea is ready.
10. There is a joke on how to prepare iced coffee: make coffee; have kids; forget that you made coffee; drink it cold. Travel mug Zojirushi keeps the beverage warm up to 6 hours, so your coffee or tea will always be of the perfect temperature during your busy day.
11. Drinking enough water is critical after giving birth and during breastfeeding. Hence, a quality water bottle is a must-have to keep a healthy water balance and energy level during the day.
12. Reduce harmful chemicals in your household by using microfiber cloths and non-harmful cleaners.
Take a lot of photos
Another essential product is a photo printer. Yes, it is not the thing you would necessarily need when the baby is born. But imagine how many beautiful moments you could preserve by merely creating a photo album while the memories are fresh. It is much easier to print photos at home and put them in your album regularly than gathering tons of digital pictures. Later, it will be much more challenging to put pictures together and create such an album.
The must-have baby products
1. Touchless baby thermometer
2. Humidifier
3. Electric nasal aspirator
4. Electric baby nail trimmer
5. Reusable food pouches
9. Enhance your parenting skills with books
A brilliant method to calm a baby you'll find in Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Baby on the Block." This book is one of the best instruction manuals for parenting a newborn that teaches the fastest and most effective way to calm your baby and understand her needs.
Other must-read books for new parents include:
John Medina "Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five" – contains decent information on what is the best for a little child. This book is an excellent basic read for parents without prior knowledge of little kids' cognitive development.
Daniel J. Siegel "The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind" – the book every parent should read to help their children grow emotional intelligence. A short glimpse into neuroscience gives parents a solid base for understanding and helping their children solve struggles.
Joanna Faber "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7" is full of creative ways and useful ideas to connect with your little one. The book would make a helpful addition to the "Whole-Brain Child" with additional tips on "connecting and redirecting" the little kids.
Shefali Tsabary in "The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children" sends an important message to parents: "Your child is mirroring; work on your behavior first." A profound book, the earlier you read it, the better parent you would become. This book makes a perfect gift for new parents.
10. Be a good enough parent, not perfect
Parents have a tremendous impact on their child not only in childhood and adolescence but on her entire life. Moreover, the way you treat your child predicts how they will treat your grandchildren. Parents shape their children's minds, so everything you do matters. No pressure, right?
Many new parents become overwhelmed when their first baby is born. They are anxious to be perfect, never make mistakes, and raise the best and happiest people in the world. Unfortunately, this is the shortest way to parental burnout.
What new parents should remember is that "you have influence, but you don't have control." The genes, social interactions, and experiences affect children profoundly as well. Parents cannot predict all the factors that shape their children's brains, nor do they have the roadmap to raise the perfect person they want.
Parenting books provide enough information on how to raise a healthy and happy child, and it is good to follow valuable advice. But it is impossible to implement all the tips daily and always be in a good mood around kids. The best advice for the new parents can be found in the TedTalk by Yuko Manukata, which you can watch below. In short, "parenting is about loving my child today, now."